Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
