i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize