one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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