did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
