i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Houston, we have a squirter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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