pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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