UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
