God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize