you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
