last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
