Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
