i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize