Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
3 2 1 whiskey
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
