I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize