Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
