did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
