Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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