you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
