some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
