you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
