i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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