yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
