I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
