Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
