new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize