You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
