That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
