Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
