$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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