I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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