my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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