I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
