so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
