i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
