just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
