If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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