Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
