I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
