god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
