i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
