Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
