I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
