I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize