How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
