She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There's even glitter on my cock...
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