btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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