you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
