I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
