Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The Olympian is in my bed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
