I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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