Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
