party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
