ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
