All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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