You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
