I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
