So drunk its hurt
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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