great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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