What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
