Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
