I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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