he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
