I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
