They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
