I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
