ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
