i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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