She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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