I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
