Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
