he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
