rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
