they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
