just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
