Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
