No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
