I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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